This past weekend, I had the privilege of witnessing something extraordinary – the 50th birthday of a friend and their 30th wedding anniversary of dear friends. During the event, their daughter gave a tribute on the four pillars of her parents’ marriage.
This event wasn’t just a colourful and vivacious Cameroonian celebration, it was a living masterclass in mindset, intentionality, resilience, and faith. It was a three-day Cameroonian convention which included as my husband termed it “a state banquet” at the Vale Resort in Wales. It offered so much for me to reflect on.
As a mindset coach, I often look for the frameworks behind human behaviour. What struck me most wasn’t just the speeches or the music, but the raw, heartfelt tribute given by their daughter. In her words, I heard the story of a marriage built not on perfection, but on four unwavering pillars: pillars that have carried this couple through three decades of life together. As she spoke, I couldn’t help but analyze the powerful mindset principles at play, principles we can all apply to our own relationships and lives.
Pillar 1: Love as an Intentional Foundation
The daughter began with awe: her mother was only 18 when she married and 19 when she had her. “When I was 19,” she mused, “I still didn’t know what I was doing.”
Instead of crumbling under the weight of responsibility, she and her husband chose to grow into their roles together. Their love has always been selfless, grounded in unity and sacrifice. And it’s the kind of love that doesn’t just exist, it multiplies. It shapes children. It creates legacies. It leaves a mark.
The Mindset Insight:
This is where their story transcends romance and enters the realm of conscious choice. They didn’t have the luxury of a lengthy self-discovery phase. Instead, they adopted a powerful growth mindset from day one.
They saw their challenges not as crippling obstacles, but as the raw materials for building their life together. They didn’t have a perfect marriage; they built it, consciously and intentionally, growing into their identities as partners and parents in real-time.
This teaches us that our circumstances don’t define us; our chosen response to them does.
Pillar 2: Loyalty as the Armour of Resilience
“In this crazy world,” their daughter said, “loyalty can feel like a relic of the past. But not in their home.”
Her parents have been each other’s anchor: faithful, consistent, unshaken by life’s storms. In a world where relationships often crumble under pressure, their loyalty is a quiet rebellion.
They’ve been each other’s best friend. Always together. Always choosing each other. Thirty years, not thirty days, of standing side by side. That’s the kind of loyalty our generation desperately needs to see.
She described them as each other’s unwavering support system, best friends who genuinely prefer each other’s company above all else. What she described wasn’t just commitment, it was resilience in action.
The Resilience Insight:
This is the practical application of emotional resilience. Loyalty is the non-negotiable pact that says, “No matter the storm, we face it as a we.” It’s the daily practice of turning toward your partner instead of away during conflict. This creates an unshakeable foundation of safety: a “secure base” from which children (and the partners themselves) can explore the world without fear.
For a family, this loyal unity is the ultimate security, proving that resilience is a team sport, built on loyalty that refuses to let go.
Pillar 3: Friendship as the Glue of Joy
Beyond loyalty, what shone through was their friendship.
The anecdotes here were beautiful. “They’re each other’s best friend,” their daughter shared, laughing about how her mom checks in on her dad constantly, even when they’d spoken just hours before.
She explained that it was about connection: “It’s like, you’re my person.” Their story is a reminder that marriage isn’t just about passion or duty, it’s about enjoying life with your best friend.
The Intentionality Insight:
This is the secret sauce so many long-term relationships forget to nurture. Romance can fluctuate, but a deep, abiding friendship is a choice.
Friendship must be chosen and nurtured. It’s the intentional cultivation of shared laughter, inside jokes, and genuine curiosity about your partner’s inner world. It’s making the conscious decision to like each other, not just love each other.
This pillar reminds us that to keep a relationship joyful, we must never stop being our partner’s best friend. Don’t just love your partner, like them. Laugh with them. Be curious about them. Stay friends.
Pillar 4: Faith as the Unshakeable Framework
Finally, the daughter landed on what she called the most important thing: faith. “It’s God,” her mother always says. Faith gave them strength when things were hard. Faith reminded them of purpose when they felt weary.
Faith kept them not only together but thriving. Their chosen anniversary theme song was “Through It All,” summed it up perfectly: a marriage grounded in trust in something greater than themselves.
Truly, a testament to trusting in a higher power through every high and low. Their marriage is living proof that when God is at the centre, storms may come, but the foundation holds.
The Foundational Insight:
This faith provides the ultimate mindset framework. Faith gave them strength in low seasons, gratitude in high ones, and perspective through it all.
Faith shifts the perspective from “Why is this happening to us?” to “What is this teaching us, and how can we grow through it together?” This belief system transforms challenges into chapters of a larger, meaningful story, fostering immense grace, gratitude, and perseverance.
Faith is the bedrock that allows the other three pillars to stand firm through decades of change. Their story demonstrates that faith transforms challenges into purpose and keeps us anchored when everything else shifts.
Parenting As Legacy
Beyond being husband and wife, they have been incredible parents.
As moving as their love story is, its undeniable ripple effect may be even greater. The daughter acknowledged that her and her sisters are the fruit of their choices, their sacrifices, and their intentionality. Their parents weren’t perfect, but they were present. They modelled resilience, taught them the power of loyalty, and showed them that love is an action, not just a feeling.
Their children spoke of what they witnessed daily: selflessness, unity, resilience, and faith lived out in real time. The daughter concluded by thanking her parents for being her rock, her backbone, and for creating the environment that made her and her sisters who they are today.
This is the ultimate lesson in parenting: the most powerful thing you can do for your children is to model a healthy, resilient relationship. You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be present, intentional, and committed. You teach commitment not by preaching it, but by living it for 30 years. You teach faith by leaning on it through every season.
This is parenting at its most powerful: not perfection, but presence. Not speeches, but modelling.
The kind of example that quietly shapes identity and equips the next generation to dream, believe, and build.
My Final Reflection
This anniversary wasn’t just a celebration of the past; it was a beacon for the future. It was a powerful reminder that the greatest legacy we can build is one of love, forged daily through intention, fortified by loyalty, energized by friendship, and grounded in unshakeable faith.
What I experienced wasn’t just a 30th anniversary party. It was a roadmap and a reminder that:
- Love must be intentional.
- Loyalty sustains relationships.
- Friendship keeps joy alive.
- Faith is the foundation that endures.
- Children become who we are, not just what we say.
And together, these create not just a marriage, but a legacy.
So let me leave you with these questions: Which of these pillars do you most need to strengthen in your own relationships and life? How are you building a resilient legacy? Share in the comments below.
Because 30 years from now, it won’t be the big gestures that stand the test of time, it will be the daily, intentional choices that quietly, faithfully build love into something unshakable.
Thank you for being a VCC reader.
This was a good read and lots of learning points that I will apply in my baby-marriage. I love real life lessons from those who have walked the path. Friendship and Faith is the most important to me, because when there is friendship, love follows and, loyalty is easier. Faith seals everything together and helps you through any situation.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your words reflect such wisdom already: friendship and faith truly are the anchors of a strong marriage. When the bond of friendship lays the foundation, love flows naturally, and faith strengthens that union through every season. I’m so glad the lessons resonated with you, and I celebrate your “baby-marriage” season, it’s such a precious time of building together. Wishing you both a journey filled with laughter, growth, and a love that only deepens with time.